Ask For More
Alexandra Carter
Summary
Alexandra does a great job talking about the 10 questions you should use in any negotiation. I compared this to 'Never Split the Difference' and this gives you much more concrete questions to use rather than just concepts.
Rating: 4/5
Notes
Negotiation is any conversation in which you’re steering a relationship
Ask open ended questions. Not closed. ‘Tell me about…’
Don’t use ‘why’ questions, particularly in negotiation, because it assigns blame to someone
Create the occasion in negotiation
Write down your answers
Write down what you’re thinking, not what you wish you were thinking
Follow up, summarize your answer
1. What’s the problem I want to solve
- Think about the big picture perspective
2. What do I need?
- Love, acceptance, social support, belonging, intimacy, affection and affiliation are part of every negotiation
- Esteem needs of yourself and others is important
- People want to feel reorganized and heard and have their reputation preserved
- Make the deeper needs more explicit
3. What do I feel?
- Feelings are farts. Never forget how you feel in a negotiation
- Feelings are always present in a negotiation
- Write down the positive and negative feelings you have
- Two big hidden emotions are guilt and fear
4. How have I handled this successfully in the past?
- It might not be the exact same situation but there are elements you should take out of in the past that worked for you
- Think about a time when things went well at work or in your personal life?
5. What’s the first step?
- At the beginning, focus on step one
- If you’re stuck, consider ‘what the worst step I can take’
‘When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.’ - Ernest Hemingway
Enjoy the silence. Stay quiet after asking an open question.
After asking an open question, follow-up, summarize and ask for feedback
6. Tell me…
- Sometimes the problem isn’t what you think it is
- It builds a relationship with the person across from you
- Once you ask the question, don’t fill in the silence
- Follow-up with ‘tell me more about x…’
7. What do you need?
- Figuring out someone’s needs is so important
- If someone doesn’t say a lot, follow-up with them
- ‘What would that look like’ - ask it
- Don’t ask ‘why’ questions but ‘what…’
- Always summarize their needs and ask if you got it right
8. What are your concerns?
- This is asking someone’s feelings without saying feelings
- Pay attention to their body language
9. How have you handled this successfully in the past?
- Ask this to even adversaries
- Make sure to summarize their success back to them
10. What is the first step?
- Asking people for their ideas costs you nothing and benefits you greatly
- ‘What’s our first step?’ or ‘what are your thoughts on how to move forward’
Focus people on what they can gain rather than lose
***
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Free E-book download here
Make Something Wonderful
Steve Jobs
Summary
The life of Steve Jobs in his own words
Rating: 5/5
Notes
Make something wonderful and put it out there
‘You appear, have a chance to blaze in the sky, then you disappear’
When you’re a stranger in a place, you notice thing you don’t otherwise (Jobs after India trip)
Whenever you start with nothing, always shoot for the moon. You have nothing to lose.
You never achieve what you want without falling on your face a few times
Never be afraid to fail. You never achieve what you want without falling flat on your face a few times
We are never taught to listen to our intuitions, to develop and nurture them. But if you do pay attention to these subtle insights, you can make them come true
Creativity equals connecting previously unrelated experiences and insights others don’t see
Believe that some of what you follow with your heart will come back and make your life richer. And it will. And you will gain even firmer trust on your instincts and intuitions
Make your avocation your vocation. Make what you love your work.
The journey is the reward. The reward isn’t in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, it’s in crossing the rainbow
To find A+ talent, if experienced, look at their track record and results
The world we know is a human creation and we can push it forward
The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do (read whole ad ‘here’s to the crazy ones)
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit - Aristotle
Hire people better than you are
You can’t plan to meet the people who will change your life
It’s impossible to connect the dots looking forward, but they make sense looking backwards so you have to trust the dots will somehow connect in your future
Everything around you that you call life was made up by people no smarter than you
***
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Free E-book download here
