Tips and tricks to cope with big feelings we all deal with
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Big feelings can’t be eliminated, they are always present in spite of our intentions to push them away
Big feelings: uncertainty, comparison, anger, burnout, perfectionism, despair and regret
Positive psychology is mainly for rich white people
Certainty is not attainable - nothing is certain
Track record of expert forecasters is so bad that aiming to be an expert actually makes you worse at predicting the future than if you were a generalist
While the forces that cause uncertainty and anxiety are not your fault, how you respond is your responsibility
Instead of making busyness a barrier to your anxiety, stop, acknowledge it and sit with it
Adopt the mantra ‘I am a person who is learning to___’
‘Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference’ - Reinhold Neibhar
Build a lifestyle that complements your uncertainty tolerance
‘Never compare your inside with someone else’s outside’ - Hugh Macleod
‘New level, new devil’ phenomenon - every time you level up, you will be surrounded by a new more accomplished group of people and you’ll compare yourself to them
Life has one deadline: every other marker or timeline is something you set up for yourself
Every person is on their own journey. Be grateful for yours
Life is not fair and unfortunately you’ll have that fact shoved in your face again and again
Compose a CV of failures to show people rejection is part of the path to success
Set time limits for specific apps on your plate to reduce social media envy
You might want the visible success but do you want all the stress and sacrifices they make?
Compare your present you to past you, not other people
Anger can serve you well if you channel it effectively
Anger is loaded with information and energy
Identify your unique anger triggers
You are allowed to be unapologetically hurt and angry
‘All innovation comes from fury’ - Thomas Peters
Vacations do not cure burnout
‘Sometimes life taps you on the shoulder with a feather, sometimes it hits you with a brick and sometimes it’s you being run over by a bus. Learn to listen when it’s just a feather’
One strategy to handle burnout is getting comfortable living at 80%
You have to set and stick to your own boundaries because no one will set them for you
‘Remember that other people's urgency is not your emergency’
Don’t measure your life with someone else’s ruler
‘You are not the work you do, you are the person you are
‘Wellness is not a state of being but a state of action’
Perfectionism is an unrealistic drive to be flawless combined with intense negative self talk
Across jobs, the most successful people are less likely to be perfectionists
Perfection paradox: being so afraid of failing that you have a hard time doing
‘Perfectionism is a form of self abuse’
‘I always thought I needed to be amazingly positive and funny to be loved but that’s wrong. All I needed was someone to be there’
Growth is not a linear process
We think of failure and success as opposites when in reality failure is part of success
By opening up bit by bit and around people you trust, you can learn to show the world how amazing your true self is
‘B+ work can change the world but work that doesn’t get done helps no one’
Don’t use ‘always’ and ‘never’
When feeling despair the first thing to do is tell someone and not bottle it up
Don’t compare levels of suffering: Your feelings of despair are valid
There are no shortcuts to getting through despair. Sometimes it may take months and years but you can move through despair
When in despair set yourself small daily intentions
‘A problem shared is a problem halved’
Let go of being on track. We’re all on our own timeline
A life of no regrets doesn’t exist
Don’t let regret turn into resentment
For all types of regret, give yourself grace
Big feelings can lead to post-traumatic growth (PTG) where difficult experiences help us grow and become a better person
‘Do not think that he who tries to comfort you lives without effort admit these calm and simple words that sometimes do you good.. Yet it it has been otherwise, he would never had found those words’
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