5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman  

Summary

A fantastic book that pioneered different forms of love. One that I'd recommend for everyone, so important to understand your partner's love language

Rating: 5/5

Notes

You must be willing to learn your partner’s primary love language if you are to be an effective communicator of love (like speaking the same language)

‘Inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he/she will develop normally but when the love track is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehaviour of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘lovetank’’ - Ross Campbell

The emotional need for love is not just a childhood phenomenon - this follows into love and marriage

Material things are no replacement for human, emotional love

The average lifespan of romantic obsession is 2 years

Love language 1: words of affirmation

• The tongue has the power of life and death - Solomon
• Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love
• When we receive affirming words, we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate

To develop an intimate relationship, you must know the other person’s desires

The love language of one person is not necessarily the love language of the other

Love Language 2 - quality time

• Quality time means giving someone your undivided attention, not just watching TV or being around them
• A central aspect of quality time is togetherness, meaning focused attention
• Marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve
• To learn the language of quality conversations, start with the emotions you feel away from home

Love language 3 - receiving gifts

• If your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts, become a proficient gift giver. It’s one of the easiest love languages to learn
• Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts
• Keep a gift idea note book
• Try giving your partner a gift a day for a week

Love language 4 - acts of service

• Acts of service means doing things you know your partner would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her and express your love by doing things for her
• Requests give direction to love but demands stop the flow of love
• What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage

Your partner’s criticism about your behaviour provide the clearest clue to their primary love language

Love language 5 - physical touch

• Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love
• If your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries
• Most sexual problems in marriage have little to do with physical technique but everything to do with meeting emotional needs
• For females, sexual desire is rooted in her emotions, not her physiology
• For males, sexual desire is physically based

Spend time writing down your primary love language then list the other 4 in order of importance

To find out, ask what your partner does that hurts you deeply, what you have most often requested in your partner and in what ways do you regularly express love?

Play the tank check game with your partner - ask them on a scale from 0-10 how filled their love tank is and what you can do to increase it? Then let them do the same

When an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love

Children have the same primary love language as adults

Observe your children. Watch how they express love to others. That is a clue to their love language

Do profile quiz at the end of the book once in a relationship to understand love language

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