The difficulties of dating

The difficulties of dating:

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The difficulties of dating.

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It sucks.

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It’s hard out there.

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Dating is tough.

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Online dating is brutal.

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As I read online recently, it’s basically a humiliation ritual.

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Even for those who are attractive.

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Doing well.

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Going places.

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It sucks.

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It’s brutal.

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It’s a constant attack on your self-esteem.

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At least if you let it.

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And boy is it hard not to.

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There are good people out there.

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I know it.

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Think most of them are off dating apps.

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As they should be.

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And yet it’s so hard to meet people otherwise.

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Even if you want to.

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People don’t talk to each other enough.

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Especially strangers.

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We’re all just on our phones.

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Or listening to our music.

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Or podcasts.

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Or audiobooks.

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Plugged in.

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Connected.

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But are we?

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Are we more connected?

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Are relationships doing better now than they were before?

I’m not sure.

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Relationships used to be easier.

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Based on proximity.

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Shared interests.

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Shared experiences.

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Tended to marry those around you.

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At school.

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At work.

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Friends.

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Friends of friends.

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Those who lived in close proximity to you.

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Now the world has opened up.

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You could marry anyone from anywhere.

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Most people are meeting online.

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Digitally.

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Through an app.

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Where you hide behind a screen.

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Hide behind some photos.

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Hide behind some statements of who you are.

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How do you know someone through some pictures and some statements?

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Some people are terrible at those.

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Doesn’t meant their terrible people.

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Some people are great at them.

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Doesn’t mean they’re great either.

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They may be better in today’s world of marketing themselves, but that doesn’t make them a good person.

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Doesn’t make them a good partner.

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Doesn’t make them a good conversationalist.

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We still live in the real world.

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Interacting in person.

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Getting a sense of who someone is through their body language.

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Not what they say.

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But what they do.

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How they act.

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How they move.

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How they vibrate.

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What kind of energy they give off.

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You can tell a lot about a person like that.

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On a phone?

Not much.

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In person?

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A lot.

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But we don’t do it anymore.

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And when we do, it’s stale.

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Boring.

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The same.

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I look at kids now and it’s just a bunch of people sitting around each other on their phones.

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Saw it in the Toy Story 5 trailer this past weekend.

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Really excited btw for that movie because they’re tackling technology and how it affects kids

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Kids don’t interact anymore.

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Their socializing is done online.

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Roblox.

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Video games.

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Apps designed to hook your attention and keep you on the platform as long as possible.

This is what dating apps are.

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They’re designed to keep you on.

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To keep you swiping.

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To keep you believing that your person is out there.

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But it’s unusable.

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Extremely frustrating.

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Most guys never get matches.

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And the ones they do flake out all the time.

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Most girls go after the same guys.

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But then when they find someone who could be a good match, their expectations are too high.

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They seem to believe they deserve the world.

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When they refuse to ask themselves, ‘what do they have to offer?’

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Was having a conversation about that with a recent date.

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We were talking about dating between different genders.

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She mentioned how her girlfriends have insane expectations for who they are.

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Average girls wanting a guy who’s over 6 ft, making six figures, handsome, athletic, loves animals and reality TV and traveling and pumpkin spice lattes.

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There is no one out there like that.

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And even if they were, why would they choose an average girl?

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Some might because they bring him peace.

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But the ones who bring an edgy judgemental personality - why would the top guys choose them?

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They wouldn’t.

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They won’t.

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This is the other problem women face.

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They are out earning men.

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A lot of successful women have a tough time dating.

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They ideally want someone equal or above them.

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But if you’re a doctor making half a million dollars a year, how many single men are the same age or older doing the same?

Very few.

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And if you were to date them, they would probably choose someone younger and more attractive.

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So you went your whole life chasing a career, listening to your parents about how you have to be independent, and now the only thing you want in this world is a partner and family.

Only you can’t find it because your expectations are too high and the guys you want to date don’t want to date you.

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For guys, it’s no different.

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If you are not a top guy, no woman looks at you.

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Barely anyone.

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No matches.

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Constantly scrolling.

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Constantly swiping.

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Nothing.

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Days.

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Weeks.

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Months.

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Without anything.

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So what else do you do?

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Fill your time with video games.

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And porn.

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And partying.

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And gambling.

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It’s easier.

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You don’t have to deal with the bullshit.

But it’s also destroying you.

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It’s destroying your ability to think.

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Destroying your ability to achieve.

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Destroying your ability to talk to women.

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I don’t know what to do.

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I don’t know what the solution is.

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Was watching a Professor Jiang lecture about it today 

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Society would be way better off if everyone dated across in terms of genes, wealth and status.

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Only we don’t.

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Guys want to date all the girls.

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All the girls want to date only the top guys.

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Other guys get nothing.

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Most girls are left disappointed.

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Mismanaged expectations.

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Believing they deserve the best when they refuse to look at themselves in the mirror to really understand what they provide.

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It’s hard.

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So hard.

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Doesn’t mean you can’t keep trying.

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Doesn’t mean you can’t keep showing up.

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Doesn’t mean you can’t keep putting yourself out there.

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I wrote a piece like this years ago.

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And nothing’s changed.

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Maybe it’s me.

Maybe it’s not.

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Maybe it’s just god’s way of being patient.

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Of forcing me to work on myself.

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Of forcing me to become a whole person.

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So that the love that comes is another whole person.

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2 whole people who walk aligned together, building a legacy.

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That’s the goal.

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I know it will come.

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Doesn’t mean it won’t be hard in between.

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All good.

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This is how life works

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Just remember, rejection is good.

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It means that two people who weren’t meant to be aren’t together.

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It also means one more day closer to finding the right one.

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Some thoughts on the difficulties of dating.

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