Lower your expectations of people

Lower your expectations of people.

Not everyone can meet your standards.

What may feel like basic social etiquette to you is completely foreign to someone else.

I first saw this with my mom.

She’s one of those people who go the extra mile for everyone she loves.

She buys so many gifts.

She’s always organizing events.

She’s the first person to reach out to people when a family member dies or something bad happens.

But people have taken advantage of her.

She’s been disappointed enough times in her life.

Yet she still continues to give.

What I’ve learned through her is some people suck.

That’s ok.

Not everyone can live up to what you expect of them, and also they shouldn’t.

Why does your expectation of them matter?

It only matters to you.

They don’t care. They’re busy living their life trapped in their own head worried about their own problems.

But those things can eat you away.

Miscommunication and misjudgment of situations can make people take words out of context and hold grudges.

Meanwhile, both parties don’t want to swallow their ego, take responsibility for their actions, and be honest about what they were expecting.

People don’t want to have difficult conversations because they’re always expecting the other person will do it first.

Most of the time that doesn’t happen.

What I’ve come to learn is to assume everything is your fault.

‘Everything that happens to you is your fault.’

That doesn’t mean everything is in your control but it means that when there’s a situation where someone is criticizing you, assume they’re right, say sorry and move on, even if you know they’re wrong.

People’s egos like to be stroked. The more you can do that with people, the farther you’ll go.

People will subconsciously like someone who lets them speak, asks them questions, and is truly interested in them.

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is one of the greatest books on this topic.

In life, you need to build emotional intelligence and be good at interacting with people in order to be successful.

No one likes working with an asshole.

But everyone likes working with someone who’s nice and does good work.

What feels so basic actually goes such a long way in the business world.

If you’re just a good person who shows up, does good work, goes a little farther, and is a good team player, you can go very far in life.

Play the long game.

When developing relationships, assume you’ll have them for life.

Don’t think about meeting someone with the intention of only using them for what you want and not developing it over time.

Don’t play short term games and look for short term outcomes.

You never know when someone you meet today could change your life 5-10 years from now.

‘People will not remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.’ - Maya Angelou

If you make them feel good and create good memories, they’ll always remember that.

Give more than you receive, even if people never meet your expectations.

When you give from a place in which you’re expecting nothing, people can’t disappoint you.

What you appreciate over time is if you continue to do that, you’ll get rewarded in ways you can’t even imagine.

It may not be for a long time, but if you have the reputation of a giver, people will come back to you and want to give in return.

Robert Cialdini talks about this in Influence – the concept of reciprocity. Humans beings are wired to return favours and pay back debts. People feel obliged to apply favours or discounts to those that have done it for them.

If you give to enough people over time, they’ll come back.

But in order for this to work, you have to expect nothing.

Don’t let anyone disappoint you but if someone goes out of their way for you, you’re always appreciative and happier for it.

If you do good work, be a nice person, show love through your actions, and lower your expectations of people, life becomes a lot more fun.