What happened to you?

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What happened to you?

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The title of Oprah’s latest book.

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It’s about how everyone struggles, especially those with childhood trauma and pain.

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How their actions, thoughts and beliefs are based on the trauma they experienced as children.

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Who they remember their parents to be has such a massive effect on us.

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We sometimes think our parents are monsters, but they’re just trying to do the best with what they’ve got.

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My mom yelled at me a lot as a kid.

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She’s got a loud voice.

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Great mom but loud.

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I know why.

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She was the eldest of 6.

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When you’re trying to say something in a house like that, especially as the eldest, you’re gonna have a loud voice.

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That’s how she was brought up.

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When they fought in her house amongst parents and siblings, she had to raise her voice to be heard.

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So that’s how she raised me.

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Now I’m a loud person.

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My family makes fun of me all the time for it.

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Yet that’s what happened to me as a kid and shaped who I am today.

What I’ve learned through this self-journey is we’re all dealing with it.

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Inadequacies we felt based on how have parents raised us and who they were.

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The person we thought our parents were and the person they actually were are completely different.

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Give them credit.

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They were just trying to do the best with what they had.

Yet why do we continue to blame our problems and inadequacies on them?

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Because of how children’s brains develop in a household.

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Dr. Bruce Perry, the co-author of this book, shows through scientific evidence that we’re all dealing with the same things.

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Trauma felt during childhood forever shapes our subconscious into making us the person we become.

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This is why you can’t blame criminals.

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Sociopaths are a different breed because they can’t feel but most criminals are just trying to do the best with what they have.

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Based on the environments they grew up in and the parents who raised them, this is what they know.

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Don’t underestimate how much your parents and environment got you to where you are.

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Especially when you become successful.

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You believe it’s all your own work.

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It’s not.

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Some of it is and you definitely have to work hard, but don’t underestimate the luck that’s part of your journey.

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Watched a few episodes of David Letterman’s interview show with Ryan Reynolds and Will Smith, and that comes up a lot.

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How becoming older has made them introspective trying to understand their past and their parents.

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Understanding why they became the people they became.

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Your mannerisms, tone of voice and behaviour. 

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Most of it comes from your parents.

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We’re products of our environment, and nothing more so than the trauma experienced as kids

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So next time you want to understand someone deeply, don’t ask what’s wrong with you, ask what happened to you? 

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