Tips for better communication to be more understanding and less judgmental
Rating: 4/5
It’s not what you do that counts, it’s the quality of your attention
4 components of non-violent communication (NVC): observations, feelings, needs, requests
Once you give NVC to others, ask for it in return
‘Do not judge and you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you yourselves will be judged’ - Matthew Til
Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own words and values
Classifying and judging people promotes violence
Comparisons are a form of judgement
We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think and feel
We can never make people do anything
‘Observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence’ - Krishnamurti
We are trained to be ‘other-directed’ rather than be in contact with ourselves
Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflict
Distinguish b/w what we feel and what we think we are
What others may do may be the stimulus of our feelings, not the cause
If we express our needs, we have a better chance of them getting met
If we don’t value our needs, others may not either
You are not responsible for others’ feelings
Accept responsibility for your own feelings and not the feelings of others while being aware we can never meet our own needs at the expense of others
Use positive language when making requests
Making requests in clean, positive, concrete language reveals what we really want
When we simply express our feelings, it may not be clear to the listener what we want them to do
Requests may sound like demans when unaccompanied by the speakers feelings and needs
Express appreciation when your listener tries to meet your request for reflection
It’s a request if the speaker shows empathy towards the other person’s needs
Empathy: emptying our mind and listening with our whole being
Ask before offering advice or reassurance
Listen to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking
A difficult message becomes the opportunity to enrich someone’s life
Paraphrasing saves times
Reflect one’s own words back to them and validate their feelings
The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel
When we listen for feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters
What bears the listener bears the speaker too
Empathy lies in our ability to be presented
Self judgement like all judgement are tragic expressions of unmet needs
With every choice you make, be conscious of the need it serves
We are never angry because of what other say or do
The cause of your anger lies in our thinking - in thoughts of blame and judgment
Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment
Steps to expressing anger:
Creating connection b/w people to solve a conflict is the most important thing
Learn to hear needs regardless of how people express them
We can liberate ourselves from cultural conditioning
Focus on what we want to do rather than what went wrong
Receive appreciation without feelings of superiority or false humility
We tend to notice what’s wrong rather than what’s right
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