Are your red flags real?

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Are your red flags real?

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Red flags are things you don’t like in other people.

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Are they real?

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The reasons you dismiss people?

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Are they fair, or are they unreasonable?

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Went on a date today and saw a red flag.

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See if you agree.

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We were talking about going out and partying in our university days.

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Being young, dumb and free (great song btw).

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The topic of substances came up.

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‘Have you ever used anything else besides alcohol, like weed, pills or powder?’

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Yes I have.

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I’ve been open about that.

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Do I enjoy them all?

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No.

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Absolutely not.

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Am I glad I tried them at least once?

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Yes.

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But there’s a fine line.

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I can appreciate how someone like myself can try these substances without an issue.

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Whereas for those with a family history of addiction, touching any of those substances can derail your life.

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I get it.

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I’ve seen it.

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But this girl made this comment.

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‘I can’t be with anyone who does substances besides alcohol.’

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‘Anyone’ I ask.

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‘Nope. Anyone who uses it to ‘self-medicate’ has problems.’

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Interesting.

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My counter was there’s a spectrum.

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There’s a difference between addiction and using substances to help amplify your life.

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For most adults, it’s coffee.

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Adults cannot function without coffee.

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A lot of them are addicted.

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Would you drop someone who likes coffee?

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No.

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So why would you drop someone who’s tried substances a few times and uses it to add to their life?

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But it wasn’t that.

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A lot of people can’t understand or appreciate substances because they’ve only seen or heard negative things about them.

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They’ve seen or heard of the worst-case scenario instead of what normally happens.

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It’s like watching the news.

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What the news tells you is happening in a place and what’s happening in that place are different.

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Until you see or experience something for yourself, you have no idea what it’s like.

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But it wasn’t just that.

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I asked about her about therapy and self-discovery.

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‘Nah, I would NEVER go to therapy. I don’t need it.’

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Everyone needs therapy.

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Especially the people who don’t think they need it.

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The last straw was this though.

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‘How often do you use substances?’

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I lied.

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I told her something that’s not true.

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That’s when I knew, I can’t have that.

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I can’t be lying about who I am to impress anyone.

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I need to be honest.

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I need to be upfront.

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I need to be me.

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I will not comprise who I am for anyone.

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If you don’t like me for who I am, goodbye.

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I don’t need the judgement.

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I don’t need the looks.

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I don’t need to be lying to anyone.

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As soon as I caught myself doing that, it was over.

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I was done.

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This was my red flag.

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Finding someone who's too stuck in their ways to hear a new perspective.

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To see the world in a different light.

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Who is so tied to their beliefs of the world that they can’t choose to understand a different opinion.

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I don’t need to be someone I’m not.

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I don’t need to lie.

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I don’t want to lie.

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I am who I am, like it or not.

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But the fact I compromised for this person told me this.

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I was done with her.

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Is that a real red flag?

Am I off?

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Was I too harsh?

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Maybe.

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That’s one of my red flags.

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Is it real?

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