Can she be at the table?

Can she be at the table?

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Can she be at the table?

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I find myself asking that question today.

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I’ve sat at a lot of tables in my life.

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A lot of different situations.

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Weddings.

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Parties.

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Game nights.

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Interviews.

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And the most important one of all, the family one.

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This weekend was no different.

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Sat at a table for dinner with my parents and their friends.

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Sat at another one with my sister and her partner.

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A wedding one with friends I’ve known since I was a baby.

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And the one I’ve come to cherish the most as I get older - the Thanksgiving family table.

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I’m so lucky I get to sit at these tables.

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Sit with these people.

Experience life like this.

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And at the last one, we had my brother’s fiancée.

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Someone I noticed could sit at the table.

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Was comfortable.

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Was easy.

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Was nice having her around.

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Didn’t change anything.

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Nothing was different.

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Had the same types of convos we’ve had with our family my whole life.

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It felt normal.

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It felt great.

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And I can see why my brother loves her.

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She fits.

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She fits his life.

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She fits the life he wants to build.

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She fits the life he already has.

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They are aligned.

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They are together.

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They are a unit.

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I want someone just like that.

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Someone who can sit at each of those tables.

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Because I also noticed people who can’t.

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Who don’t fit.

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At this wedding table, sat with an old family friend and her partner of a long time.

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But the dude SUCKS.

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Doesn’t say hi.

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Doesn’t smile.

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Not interested.

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Not excited to be there.

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So much so my mom and brother called him out for it too.

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A guy so bad, that she thought about telling her friend that she needs to speak to her future son-in-law.

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That’s insane for a parent to have to do that.

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I’ve also seen this from friends.

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Some friends have partners who are in their lives.

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Come to parties, hang out to watch a movie, and can chat with everyone.

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Some have partners who don’t want to be in their lives.

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People who hide, don’t want to be in their life, and when they are, make it awkward for everyone around them.

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I’ve seen what works.

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And I know what doesn’t.

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I want someone who can be in my life.

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Who can participate.

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Who has a personality strong enough that she can talk to everyone around me.

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Someone who I would be comfortable leaving at a party.

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Someone who lets me be myself.

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Someone who either dances next to me or enjoys watching me have fun.

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But the most important thing is someone who can sit at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

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The one with all the family.

Where her being there feels so normal.

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So easy.

So comfortable.

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That’s my bar.

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That’s my criteria.

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That’s what I’m looking for.

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This weekend was a reminder of that.

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There should never be any doubt that she should be able to sit at every table.

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