Give yourself credit

Give yourself credit.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

We are our own worst critics.

I know that’s true for me.

Always thinking I could do more.

Be more.

Achieve more.

But by always focusing on the future, you miss the present.

I've historically been so focused on achieving the next thing that I forgot to enjoy what’s in front of me.

That’s changed, but took a while.

Comes from how I was raised.

Parents who prioritized education.

On making sure that my siblings and I did the best that we could.

Felt like there was extra pressure as the eldest child.

Both my parents were the firstborn in their respective families so they had a lot of responsibility growing up.

They had to be the role models in their family.

I felt that too.

Remember fighting with my brother as a kid and my parents always used to yell at me, even if he started the fight.

‘Stop doing this.

You’re the eldest.

You have to be a role model for your brother and sister.’

Because of that, it felt like extra pressure.

Pressure to perform.

Pressure to be the best.

Then when I started school, it was the same.

I was blessed with a natural ability to learn fast (thanks rinks).

My preschool teacher noticed this and taught me more than most preschoolers (shout-out to Mrs. Ravishankar. Thank you for changing my life!).

So much so that I memorized the multiplication times tables up to 12 by the time I was 3.

Then when I moved to elementary school, my parents made me take a test to see if I could skip a grade.

Passed that and skipped grade 1.

So since the beginning of my schooling, I’ve always been the youngest.

Always been ‘behind’ in my mind, even though I wasn’t.

So I’ve always had this chip on my shoulder.

This idea I need to perform.

Need to keep up.

Need to prove myself.

So this has always pushed me.

Pushed me throughout school.

Pushed me through university.

Pushed me in my career.

I’ve always felt not enough.

The imposter walking around waiting for that one day when this metaphorical house of cards is all going to crumble.

But what I’ve learned through adulthood is so many people feel this.

Some of the most successful people you’ve ever seen feel like imposters.

They feel undeserving of what they’ve achieved.

I’ve felt that my whole life until recently.

Only when I reflect on what I’ve done do I understand - Wait…

I’ve earned this.

I deserve to be here.

I’ve done the work.

I got the grades in school.

I got a first-class degree in medicine.

I left medicine and moved to Amsterdam to an industry I didn’t know existed.

Then while doing that, I read all the books.

I did all the writing.

I showed up again and again.

Even when no one was there cheering me on.

So as much as I feel like an imposter, I do have to give myself credit.

I’ve been so blessed with this life but I’ve also worked for it.

This is no different.

No one gets lucky with an Ironman.

You can’t be an imposter doing an Ironman.

An Ironman is a commitment unlike most people will ever do in their lifetime.

So give yourself credit.

You deserve to be here.

This week in training - (Follow me on Strava here):

Swimming - 2.5k - 1 x 2500m. Only one swim this week as I’ve been traveling the last few days. Bit faster in the pool and went 2500m straight so I’m definitely improving.

Biking - 88 km - lighter bike week because of travel. Speed is getting better and hopefully will get outside soon.

Running - 24.8 km - ok run week. Ran twice outside in London and glad I could keep in zone 2 so my recovery was good. Missed one run workout because of my trip (got to see LFC play at Fulham and even though they lost, it was an incredible experience) but will be back at it this week.

Notes from Week 13 of training:

• Decent week but missed a workout because of travel.
• Nutrition was ok this week. Tough to keep it up while traveling so will get back to it once I’m home.
• Swimming was solid this week. Did 2.5k straight at a decent time and felt good after so can’t complain.
• The bike is improving but curious to see how this will translate once I get outside.
• Decent run week. All runs were in zone 2 and felt good after them. Got outside for a few of them and didn’t have any soreness while keeping my HR below 150. Not as fast as I would like and can go but know I need to keep up this zone 2 training.
• Not watching much this week because of the travels. Watched Moonrise Kingdom (hilarious and weird movie), Hunt for the Wilderpeople (funny uplifting movie) and Flipped (cute American romance movie). Did start getting into ‘The Studio’ - the new Seth Rogen show about Hollywood and it’s fantastic. Episode 2 was hilarious. Haven’t seen the White Lotus finale yet so let’s see
• Feeling decent this week. Really needed a break and glad I got some time away to hang out with friends and family. Because of that, wasn’t able to write on my normal Sunday so releasing this a day late. Regardless, still trying to keep this up. My running is still not as fast as I would’ve liked but keeping up zone 2 and know this will pay off, especially for the marathon.

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