I'll be happy when

I’ll be happy when…

How many times have you said this to yourself?

I’ll be happy when I get promoted.

When I get a raise.

When I make lots of money.

When I’m retired.

Till then, I’m going to wait.

I’m going to delay my happiness.

Why?

Why do we do this?

Why do we believe this lie?

To delay our happiness till some future date.

We’ve been conditioned, especially in the West, to always want more.

We live with the disease of more.

The condition that we need to have more to be happy.

I believed this lie for years.

Was drilled into me as a kid.

You’ll be happy when you get into IB.

Then it was you’ll be happy when you get into uni.

Then it was you’ll be happy when you get into medicine.

Then it was you’ll be happy when you get a job.

But along the way, was I really happy?

I’m not sure I was.

I was chasing this goal put into my subconscious by my environment, never asking myself if that’s what I really wanted.

The people around me wanted it for me, but did I want it?

I don’t know if I did.

Now, I wouldn’t change a thing and am so grateful for the journey I took to get here, but it flipped when I decided to take my life into my own hands.

When I decided I would start doing things for me, not for other people.

Here’s a secret I learned through my personal development journey.

Your desires are not yours.

They’re other people’s.

It’s a concept called mimetic desire.

Pioneered by French philosopher Rene Girard.

We want what we want because other people want it.

Think about it.

Why do you want the things you want in your life?

Is it because you really want it?

Or because other people want it?

Is it because your favourite celebrity has it?

Or you’ve seen ads on TV telling you that if you have this thing, you’ll be happy?

It’s important to reflect on your models of desire.

Who do you want to be like?

Why?

Why do you want the things you want?

There’s nothing wrong with wanting them, but it’s important to be aware of them as you go through life.

For most of my life, it was to become a doctor.

Then when I did, my world broke.

I didn’t get into residency and had to pivot.

That journey was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Along the way, I figured out what I wanted.

I decided to read.

I decided to write.

I decided to run a marathon.

I’ve decided to complete an Ironman.

Were there models of desire along the way who pushed me into this?

Absolutely.

Tim Ferris.

My friend Alex.

Yes Theory.

But no one in my immediate circle told me to do this.

I decided I wanted to do this on my own.

Will I be truly happy when the Ironman is complete?

Probably not.

It’ll be another mountain I will have climbed.

But can I choose to be happy along the way?

Choose to enjoy training?

Choose to do the things that make me happy?

Absolutely.

Happiness is not in the future.

It’s not in the past either.

It only exists now.

As Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda said

‘Yesterday is history,

tomorrow is a mystery,

but today is a gift.

That is why it is called the present.’

Enjoy where you are.

Don’t delay your happiness till some future date.

It exists when you decide it does.

This week in training - (Follow me on Strava here):

Swimming - 5000 m - 2 x 2500m. Lighter swim workouts this week. Increased my speed again, improved my technique on the catch and follow-through. Went from 2:15/100m over 2500m to 2:05/100m and feel like there’s still more to go. Thanks Youtube! If you ever want to improve your freestyle technique, check out ‘Effortless Swimming’ on Youtube.

Biking - 109 km - Good bike workouts this week. Speed slowly improving but hard to tell indoors. Will have to wait till I get outside. Nutrition better than it was a few back and decent on the 2 hour ride, but still more room to improve.

Running - 25.7 km - good run week. Indoor track still going well. Long run up to 14k. Not far away from that half-marathon distance. Again, can’t wait to get outdoors.

Notes from Week 7 of training:

• Another solid build week. Few days were pretty tiring but learning how important nutrition is.
• Food has been ok this week. Started tracking what I’m eating and around 3000 cals. Think I need to get this up to 3.5-4k and much more once the summer comes, but let’s see. Have a call with my nutritionist this week.
• Improved in the pool. Thanks Youtube! Realized on the catch and pull, wasn’t doing as much with my arms to propel me forward. Arms were more sore this week but felt good. Had to take a minute break halfway through at 1250m both days, but know I can keep going.
• Bike was good this week. No major updates. Long ride felt a bit tired at the end so may need to add one more gel/some more carbs on the ride, but overall felt good.
• Good run week. Got up to 14k on the long run. Bit of achilles soreness next day but nothing major.
• Finished Mo Season 2, few more episodes of Prison Break, all of Bad Monkey (solid binge-watch), Court of Gold (made me love basketball again), Nobody Wants This. Few movies - Companion (Ex Machina meets the Menu, really good), GoldenEye (meh), and One Day in September (awesome documentary and what a story). Severance was just as weird and leaves so many questions still to be answered. Still not sure if I love the show or just find it strange. Also White Lotus first ep of the new season was not that great.
• Feel decent at the end of this week. Improved in the pool, long run is getting better and still more ways to improve. Onto the second rest week.

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