'Success vs. Happiness'

Originally published March 5, 2014

So the other day, while nervously worrying about my midterm, I was scrolling through my news feed trying to waste as much time as I could before I knew I had to go back to studying. After liking every NBA and soccer-related video like I always do, I came across this post from one of my favourite pages on Facebook, Humans Of New York and it really hit me. If you don’t know what it is or have been living under a rock your entire life, I suggest you go check it out (https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork).

“Both of my parents were very successful. So I was taught a lot about success growing up, but I wasn’t taught a lot about happiness. For example, I realized recently that I don’t have any photographs with my friends from college.”
“Are you saying you didn’t have any moments in college worth photographing?”
“No, there were plenty of moments. But I never felt the need to capture them. I was so busy trying to be the best, I never really paused to appreciate what I had.” (https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/photos/pb.102099916530784.-2207520000.1394029019./617780011629436/?type=3&theater)

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I don’t know why but this one meant more to me than a lot of the other ones I’ve seen. I knew I didn’t want this to be me.

Growing up, I’ve always been told that success is everything. My parents tried to instil in me ever since I was young that I have to work hard and get good grades so I can make my life, which is 100% accurate. I’m very very lucky to have grown up in such a privileged family with parents and relatives who have gone on to do great things in their life and be very successful in their jobs and such, so there’s always been people around me who have inspired me. However, there was a period of time in my life where I felt like my success was being sacrificed for my happiness and that leads me into a story…

During my last year of elementary school, my parents were looking at many different options for high school. They wanted me to consider going to a private school, so I wrote the SSAT’s (some secondary private school entrance exam) and did interviews and what not, and ended up getting into 2 all-boys private schools in Toronto. Don’t get me wrong, these are amazing schools and I would’ve had an amazing time had I gone, but my heart was always with my home school, the one where all my friends were going to go after they graduated, that happened to be very close to home. It also had the prestigious IB program (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8Kyi0WNg40) and was a very well respected school with successful alumni. So of course, I went on to write the IB exam and who knows how, but I ended up getting in. Obviously my parents were very happy with what I had done (still don’t know how that happened) so they started to find out as much information as they could about the program.

We had a family friend who was in the program at the time, and obviously spoke to her at lengths about what the program was like, how hard it was, how many hours of work she had, etc. Thus, after collecting all this info, I made a decision that I would go through with this and enter the IB program, knowing that I would drop-out after grade 10 so I could complete my last two years in high school enjoying myself and still hopefully doing well.

Fast-forward to grade 10, and man did I hate it. Grade 9 ended up being an ok year for me, but grade 10 was rough. I remember coming home every day and having hours upon hours of work to do that sometimes I just couldn’t handle it. These months were probably the lowest point in my life, because although I was still doing ok in school, I just wasn’t happy. Now, at the time, I would admit that I didn’t have the mental capability to handle stress that well and because I always wanted to do things to the best of my ability, I would always put more pressure on myself.

So along came second semester of grade 10 and course selection time. I was all for dropping out of IB, being happy again and getting my life back, but then came my parents. My mom was always the kind of person who was supportive of me no matter what I did, but she wanted me to stick with IB and struggle through. However, my dad was a different story. He was so dead-set on me doing IB because he believed in his mind that if you did IB, then you would end up giving yourself a higher chance to be successful. He always told me that if I dropped out, I was making the wrong decision, and I wouldn’t be able to get into any universities outside of Canada, and I was limiting myself with my options. I remember even making a list on Microsoft Word as to the pros and cons of IB and why I should drop-out just to try and convince my dad that what I was doing was right.

As a result, I had a massive dilemma on my hands: on one hand, I could drop out, be happy with myself and hopefully do well in the normal stream while at the same time disappointing my parents, or I could stick with IB, struggle through and hate my life for 2 years while somehow hoping I do well.

Some people may think this would have been an easy decision, but it was far from it. When your parents give up everything and sacrifice as much as they can for you and you go against their wishes, that’s tough. However, I knew in this instant that my happiness was very important to me and if it meant my dad being disappointed in me, then so be it. So after an interview with me, my dad and the IB counsellor, I made the decision to drop-out.

Long story short, along came grade 12 and after all the applications and interviews that I had to go through (I think I ended up applying to 20 different programs in Canada, the UK and Ireland), I ended up getting into a great program in Scotland where I’m currently studying. Up to that point, I was told by my parents that because of my decision to drop-out, I would never get that opportunity, so I don’t know if anyone will understand how gratifying it was to show my parents, and obviously me, that the impossible was possible (still don’t know how an average kid like me got in, but that’s a story for another day).

I guess the point of all of that was just to show others how sometimes, even though everything in your life may tell you to do something, you need to follow your heart and find what makes you happy. I easily could’ve made a different decision and struggled through IB, but I know I definitely wouldn’t be the same person I am today and probably wouldn’t have been able to get into the program that I wanted to. (Side note: please don’t take this the wrong way and think IB is the worst program in the world etc. I have many friends who went through with it and have gone on to do great things already, but I knew it just wasn’t for me)

I think that life has to be a balance between both success and happiness, and it’s often the hardest thing to find. I know I could’ve been the miserable person that studies 24/7 and is always worried about school and future success, or I could’ve been the person who could care less about work and just done things that make me happy (sports, TV, hanging with friends, etc.) while completely disregarding school and my future. However, I’ve been really lucky in my life because so many people, especially my family, have sorta taught me how to be both. Yes, I’m sure my parents want me to study a bit more and my friends would want me to come out a bit more, but I feel like I’ve found a good balance and I’m happy with person I’ve become up till now.

Success or Happiness?

I say, ‘Why not both?’

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