Why do we doubt ourselves so much?

Why do we doubt ourselves so much? Why are we scared to fail? Why do we run away from being uncomfortable?

When we evolved from apes, you always were uncomfortable because you could die at any moment amongst animals. Everything around you was always perceived to be dangerous. These days there’s less danger than ever before. We know more about the human body. Animals aren't going to eat us at any moment. We have easy access to food. Yet it feels like we’re more stressed and uncomfortable than ever before? Why?

I’m not sure but there are probably a lot of reasons.

Our own psychology is developed when we’re children. All the experiences we have as kids shape us into the adults we are today. If you’re a kid and see your mom or dad drink or take drugs, that’s just normal to you. You don’t know anything else. On the other hand, if you’ve grown up with a silver spoon traveling the world in private jets and vacationing on yachts, you think that’s normal as well. It’s hard to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

This is why everyone should chase uncomfortable life experiences. It puts you in a completely different environment where you have to think on your feet. When you travel, especially to countries in different continents, you appreciate how good we have it. How nice it is to grow up and live in a Western democracy. When you go to places where tourism is the only industry and locals haven’t left a 100-mile radius, your perspective on life changes.

You appreciate how lucky you are to be born into the situations you’re in. How appreciative you are of your parents for getting you here. No matter how much you hate them or blame them for your problems, they brought you into this world. They were just trying to do the best job they could given their circumstances. This is why I’m so fortunate to be in the situation I’m in.

Being born to immigrant parents who deeply instilled the value of education and hard work cannot be overstated. I’m not here without that. It was drilled into me, because that’s how you get ahead in society. Education is the ticket out. In a lot of cultures in the West, that is not valued as much. Culturally, is it as important to Western parents as it is to Asian parents? No chance.

Whatever part of Asia you’re born in, education is a huge component of your childhood. It’s overbearing a lot of the time and parents can be extremely restrictive. They shelter you from the world and don’t let you do anything outside their rules. If I’m being honest, that’s fair. You’re still a child and given you live in their house, you have to operate under their rules.

But kids these days are living in a completely different world than their parents. Everything is digital. Everything kids do is related to technology. Watch a kid use an Ipad. It’s so impressive. My 8 year old cousin is heavily addicted to that thing. They just play Roblox and talk to their friends from school in the metaverse. You can be anywhere in the world and play with your friends as if you hadn’t left your house. That’s a huge difference from when our parents were kids. They used to play outside with their friends. Now that’s happening less and less. Have you ever seen kids or adults hang out these days? They just sit around each other on their phones. 

Communication is rapidly changing. It’s becoming more digital time and less time in the physical world. But there are massive downsides to being on your phone all the time. It distorts your idea of the world. If you’re constantly living online, you go down so many different rabbit holes that can completely change your psychology. It’s liberating in some ways because you now can access different perspectives, but because of our confirmation bias, we go where our community goes. We believe what the crowd thinks. We associate our identities with our opinions.

You’re so much more than your opinions. You’re allowed to have conflicting opinions about the same topic. They’re called paradoxes. One of my favourites is ‘you are everything and you are nothing’. To you, the world only exists based on what you’ve seen. So most people think the world revolves around them. Yet given you’re one human at one period of history on one planet in a tiny part of the solar system, which is a tiny part of the galaxy. which is a tiny part of the universe, your existence is meaningless. We don’t matter at all in the grand scheme of the universe.

So you might as well do something for you with this life. You might as well start putting yourself first. You have to have your own interests. Your own crazy ideas and hobbies that you find fun. Do more of those things. Make time for them in your life. Make time for yourself. Even if you’re in relationships or have kids or always around people, find time for yourself. To think. To contemplate. To de-stress. That’s where your best ideas come from. Put your phone away and give yourself time to think.

In those times, you may doubt yourself. You will believe you’re not good enough. You can’t do what you think you can. Why not? 

Everyone defaults to negative. They’ve been conditioned to believe that the world is bad and they can’t do anything. They’re trapped. 

Nah. Just change your perspective. Default to positive.

Try and look for the positives in situations. Think about how lucky you are to be in the position you’re in. How thankful you should be to have access to the Internet, food, and shelter. Billions of people around the world don’t have what you have. They live in places where they’re restricted. They don’t have access to free Internet or an education. They don’t know how to read and write.

You and I take that stuff for granted every day. You should feel so lucky you got to go to school and learn. Basic things like that we just assume everyone else has. Nope, most of the world doesn’t live like you.

In order to get where you want, you have to believe you can get there. You need to train your brain to see that future. To visualize exactly what it looks like. Whatever it may be. The mind has a tendency to chase what the subconscious tells it to do. You can retrain your subconscious to believe anything you want. You have to believe it long enough and make it your number 1 thing. Whatever it is. If you tell yourself every day and visualize what that future looks like, you’ll get it.

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When I read Think and Grow Rich, my life changed forever. If you’re feeling stuck right now in life and are not sure what you want, read that book. You can find a link here to download a free digital copy of it (https://b-ok.xyz/book/4991812/1b94b4) or sign up for Audible and listen to it. It may be the best investment of your life.

From that day forward, I wrote down my goal.

‘I, Anish Kaushal, promise to earn x million dollars by the time I turn 40. I plan to do it while working in the venture capital industry, selling a company and diversifying in stocks, bonds and real estate. I promise.’

I’ve trained myself to repeat it every day to myself twice, once when I wake up and once when I go to sleep. I have a daily reminder in my phone. ‘Read your promise.’

When I started this 2.5 years ago, I didn’t believe what I was saying. The book just recommended you say your phrase over and over again and you’ll see. 2.5 years later, I can tell you it’s working. I see the path. I know I can get there.

It’s ambitious and kind of crazy. But why not me?

Screw your self-doubt.

Go conquer your fears.