How to Not Die Alone
Logan Ury
Summary
A practical guide to helping you find, build and keep the relationship you've always wanted from a behavioural scientist turned dating coach who was the former director of relationship science at Hinge
Rating: 4/5
Notes
Great relationships are built, not discovered
Dating is harder than ever before
50% of marriages in the US end in divorce
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of great
Opportunity of not dating early is the dance to learn about yourself and what you want from a partner
If you’re hung up on an ex, delete them out of your life and don’t think about them
Anxious attachment style: act out to get their partner’s attention and push away when they get too intimate
Secure attachment style people make the best relationships
When thinking about who to marry, don’t ask ‘what would a love story of this person look like?’ but instead ask ‘can I make a life with this person?’
Remember, for every hot person out there, there is someone out there tired of having sex with them
Find someone who complements you, not your personality train
For a long term partner, you want someone kind, emotionally stable, loyal and has a growth mindset
Pay attention to how you feel when you’re around that person
Our brains focus on what’s measurable and easily compatible. Apps display superficial traits making us value these qualities even more
We think we know what we want but we’re wrong
Most of us have no idea what kind of partner will fulfill us long term
People seem way more desirable than they actually are. Only when they transform into real people standing in front of us is when we see their flaws
After messaging a few times, cut to the chase and be specific about the date
Go to events of things you like in real life to meet people IRL
The environment in which we make our choices matters
Be interested, not interesting
Ask yourself how you felt after seeing that person
Exposure breeds familiarity. We’re attracted to familiar things and people
Look for someone secure who doesn’t make you doubt their feelings
Do not judge others the way you would not want to be judged
After so long, you need to have the DTR convo (define the relationship)
Talk about any fears or hesitations before major decisions with your partner so there’s no miscommunication
When thinking about your partner, take the wardrobe test: if your partner were a piece of clothing that you own - something in your closet - what piece of clothing would they be?
Put the work in yourself to better understand the person: pay attention, ask thoughtful questions and really listen to the other person
Reframe your break-ups as a gain, not a loss
After a break-up, focus on the positives of the break-up and the negatives of the relationship
Great relationships are created, not discovered
‘It is not the strongest of the species which survives, nor the most intelligent but the one most responsive to change’ - Darwin
During a long term relationship, have a check in ritual, ideally weekly
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Make Something Wonderful
Steve Jobs
Summary
The life of Steve Jobs in his own words
Rating: 5/5
Notes
Make something wonderful and put it out there
‘You appear, have a chance to blaze in the sky, then you disappear’
When you’re a stranger in a place, you notice thing you don’t otherwise (Jobs after India trip)
Whenever you start with nothing, always shoot for the moon. You have nothing to lose.
You never achieve what you want without falling on your face a few times
Never be afraid to fail. You never achieve what you want without falling flat on your face a few times
We are never taught to listen to our intuitions, to develop and nurture them. But if you do pay attention to these subtle insights, you can make them come true
Creativity equals connecting previously unrelated experiences and insights others don’t see
Believe that some of what you follow with your heart will come back and make your life richer. And it will. And you will gain even firmer trust on your instincts and intuitions
Make your avocation your vocation. Make what you love your work.
The journey is the reward. The reward isn’t in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, it’s in crossing the rainbow
To find A+ talent, if experienced, look at their track record and results
The world we know is a human creation and we can push it forward
The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do (read whole ad ‘here’s to the crazy ones)
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit - Aristotle
Hire people better than you are
You can’t plan to meet the people who will change your life
It’s impossible to connect the dots looking forward, but they make sense looking backwards so you have to trust the dots will somehow connect in your future
Everything around you that you call life was made up by people no smarter than you
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